My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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