next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were trust falling into bushes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
