So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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