If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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