Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
