Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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