If i come over, it means nothing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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