I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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