I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
they need to just BURY HIM!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
