i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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