i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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