I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
