I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
