Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
