He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
