I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
