listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize