I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
