All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
