so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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