She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
