Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
