Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
