no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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