I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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