Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
