just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
