Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
