I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize