now i know why i became what i already was.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
