I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
