is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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