piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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