If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize