Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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