Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
