I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
