I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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