i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
