I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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