I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
