I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's just like the Real World with babies
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
