did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
