you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
