So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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