Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
