I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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