No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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