Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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