My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
