the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize