So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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