Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
