cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
