Got a toothbrush?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
