I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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