butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
