yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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