yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
