well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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