my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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