you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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