Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
