My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
accomplished twins. life is a go
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
