this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
