4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
