Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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