Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
