addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
