dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize