so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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