Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
