you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
