You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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