someone threw a dead crab at me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
