So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
