When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they're like a gay fantastic four
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
