Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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