Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
