Your tits are I can't wait for
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
