we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
