Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
