Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
