Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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