K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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