just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize