He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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