Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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