he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
