It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize