Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
