To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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