I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
