Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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