If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
