Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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