i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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