it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
