I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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