Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
