The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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