Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
