dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize