Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
