I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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