he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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