never play flip cup with pint glasses
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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