I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
